The Geek's Glossary (ASF edition)

Recently, we were been discussing some of the definitions published in Glossary of Apache-Related Terms on one of the mailing lists. Based on those discussions, here are some changes and additions that I’ve been considering.

ASF - Asynchronous Software Fanatics: A cult bent on world collaboration.

ASF Board of Directors - Nerds smoozing nerds (see Community).

ApacheCon - A sausage-fest with almost enough beer.

Bikeshed argument - Discussing “what color to paint a bike shed” is why ASF committers sometimes prefer forgiveness to permission.

Build - Bits tossed into a tarball (see Release).

Commit-Then-Review - See Review-Then-Commit.

Committer - A geek with way too much spare time.

Community - Geeks goosing geeks (see ASF Board).

Darwin - The two-faced icon of Evolution and Revolution.

Dog Food - We ate it, now it’s your turn.

Emeritus - A committer with a life.

Evolution - Darwin meets the tyranny of the installed base.

Freeloader - Someone who downloads and uses open source products but never contributes back by reporting an issue, submitting a patch, testing a beta, or helping another user on the mailing list. Even once.

Hat - Sybil meets Minnie Pearl (see photo: “Minnie wearing her PMC hat”).

Incubation - A process designed to frustrate projects into submission.

Irony - See Karma.

Joy - That rare feeling when software actually works!

Karma - By doing more, we let you do more, by granting you karma to do more. See Merit.

Lazy consensus - The best kind.

Merit - Working more, jabbering less, lurking not.

Podling - We are Borg. You are borgling.

PMC Chair - Every project needs a tattletell.

Project Management Committee (PMC) - War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Projects are managed.

Release - A tarball that stuck to the wall (see Build).

Review-Then-Commit - See Commit-Then-Review.

Status File - A hit-and-miss project journal that, when kept, can only be found in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Mentor’.

Subversion - Never having to mean you’re sorry.

Revolution - Stick a fork in it and see who bites.

Veto - Severe change reduction.

+1 - A negative veto.

PS: Be sure to enjoy this special day!

(Apologies to Ambrose Bierce)