Sun goes Nova. Cloud intact.

Essay

The Internet was designed to survive a nuclear holocaust, but no one expected to find social media networks still available after the Sun’s surprise flare-up on Saturday.

“While we talk about the bits being in the cloud, most of the Internet is actually underground,” explained Internet Guru Nick Francesco. “Although the solar flare burned off the ozone, condemning us all to a slow painful death, the good news is that we can still tweet about it.”


Saturday’s Twitter volume during the flare eclipsed the recent record set during the season finale of Pretty Little Liars. The light from the flare made earthfall at 7:48a EST, had its own Twitter account (@SunFlare) by 7:50a, and 439,624 followers by 8:15a. By noon, over 700,000 tweets referenced the flare, including choice nuggets like


@Ecc19 “Wow! Something new over the earth.”

@SmileKid13 “#WorstDayEver #SunGoesViral.”

@Groupon “Designer Sunglasses - B1G1 - today only!

@JStorm “Flame On!”


Elsewhere, Facebook exploded with blurry iPhone photos of a dilating ball of light, and most LinkedIn statuses changed to “Ready to move. Call me.”. The flare passed through Google+ without a ripple, since most of the plussies were busy updating their last known address on Plaxo.


Salesforce expects Chatter volume to soar on Monday, as burn-outs return to work after a long, hairy weekend. “The flare is a real opportunity for growth,” blogged founder Marc Benioff. “Nothing brings out net-new leads like a good fire sale.”